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Addiction
Recovery Tools » Relationship
Building » Effective
Communication Skills
Avoid Communication Traps:
Effective Communication Skills
Why are words so important?
What difference does it make how something is
said? How is it possible that the listener can
receive a different message than the speaker intended?
Learning effective communication skills
can help you in recovering your relationships
with loved ones.
It is vital to a recovering
relationship that both parties leave the past
behind and stay in the present. It is a very
difficult thing for most couples, and those involved
in other relationships such as work and friendships,
to accomplish.
People have overpowering feelings
of guilt, anger, hurt, stress, low self-esteem,
and defensiveness. Negative patterns of interacting
have become automatic.
In order to learn new ways of
talking to each other and avoid blaming and arguing,
the following issues need to be considered. If
there is a particular pattern of interacting you
recognize, try to guard against falling back into
it when you discuss "stressful or sensitive
issues" with another person. Check yourself
when you are talking and see whether you are falling
into any of the stress inducing communication
traps.
- Are you assuming?
If you are not certain whether a remark was
meant to be positive or negative, check it out
by asking.
- Are you hinting?
Ask openly for what you want or need and try
to accept the fact that your request may or
may not be granted.
- Are you giving double
messages?
Often facial expressions or our gestures give a very
different message than the speaker's words. Listeners
need to be aware of nonverbal cues they may also be
giving.
- Can you admit a mistake?
If being right is more important to either party
than being understood, communication will clearly
break down. The idea is to begin to understand
each other and not to resort to stress inducing
power struggle.
- Do you triangle?
When you are talking "about" someone and
speaking to another person you are triangling. Speak
directly ro the person you are discussing to avoid
this trap. Triangling is not communicating effectively.
Paying attention to these issues
will help the recovery process and reduce stressful
situations. Clear positive interactions will allow
both people to grow in self-esteem and confidence
and will pave the way to a committed, enjoyable
and trusting
relationship.
Recommended Reading:
 Reclaim
Your Family From Addiction 
How Couples and Families Recover Love and Meaning
by
Craig Nakken
The perfect starting
point in the healing process. With histories, personal
stories, and the latest research, this book reminds
us that recovery is possible--for individuals, couples,
and whole families--if only we know what to do.
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