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Stop Destructive Self-Talk From Killing You!
Stop Destructive Self-Talk From Killing You!
Stress. Depression. Anxiety. They’re
powerful words that conjure up all kinds of images and prejudices
in our minds.
People who suffer from these illnesses find it hard to cope
with life. They can feel deeply unhappy, they can find no
joy in anything life has to offer, and of course, their levels
of self-esteem, confidence and self-respect plummet.
But how can this happen to someone?
Let’s concentrate on how these illnesses
affect the way we value the self. Of all of the destructive
patterns of behavior these illnesses cause, the way a sufferer
talks to the self is the fuel that maintains their illness.
I have experienced depression from two sides.
For 5 years, a series of traumatic events triggered a personal
nightmare I believed would never end. One of these events
came when my lover was diagnosed with depression. At this
time, I too had entered into the spiral of anxiety-induced
depression. Both of these experiences have given me an insight
into how sufferers destroy any value of the self.
Let me give a couple of examples. With my
partner, if I’d arranged an evening out with friends,
she’d say:
"No, I won’t come, you go without
me. I never have anything interesting to say. I just bore
people. They’ll find me an effort to be with. I’ll
stay here."
If I made a mistake, I’d say to myself:
"I’m useless. I’m no good
at anything. Everything I do I get wrong."
This self-deprecation then spreads into
other areas of life.
You begin to criticize the way you look, the decisions you
make or don’t make, and you focus solely on the downside
of life. Each time a little bit of self-worth, a little bit
of self-respect and a little bit of self-confidence are eroded.
Eventually, they are lost completely. When I reached my lowest
point, having lost everything and everyone I loved, I’d
say to myself:
"If I died tomorrow, no one would know
and no one would care."
So, what helped me to come out of the fog?
Well, the reason I thought I’d become
depressed was because of a series of traumatic events occurring
at the same time.
I was wrong. The root cause of my depression lay in the ways
I reacted to them. One of the ways I’d reacted was to
blame myself for events I couldn’t control. The more
I blamed myself, the more I beat myself up. The more I beat
myself up, the more my self-esteem decreased.
The phrases I have used to briefly illustrate
self- deprecating phrases we continually use against the self
are mild. I’m sure you realize that many people use much
stronger phrases than I’ve given here. The point is that
these phrases would be totally unacceptable to say to others.
You wouldn’t tell a person that they were boring, an
effort to be with and that everyone found their company dull
and it would be better for everyone else if they kept away
from people.
Agreed?
Yet, if I say to people:
"Pay yourself compliments. Accentuate
your good in all areas of your life. Write down your good
points, your triumphs, your achievements. Remind yourself
as often as possible about all the good you have done."
They look at me like I’m an alien and
say they’d feel stupid. Or uncomfortable. Or even embarrassed.
Yet they don’t feel any of these emotions
when they talk to themselves using emotionally charged, self-deprecating
phrases! And like rust upon metal, these phrases gradually
erode your self-esteem and your confidence.
OK, here’s the bottom-line. I’d
like you to inscribe what you are about to read into your
mind over and over again until it is permanently etched there:
It is NEVER acceptable to talk to myself
in a way I know is inappropriate and even offensive if I spoke
in the same way to others.
Time for me to sign off, but before I do,
here’s a phrase I say to myself every single day without
fail. Please use it, it is very powerful:
"If you put yourself down, down is
where you will stay."
Former
anxiety sufferer Chris Green is the author of “Conquering
Stress”, the internationally acclaimed program that will
help you to permanently conquer stress, depression and anxiety
without taking powerful drugs in just 90 days. For more information
please visit www.conqueringstress.com.
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